Gotta Catch 'Em All!

Disclaimer: Eugine and Jenny belong to me, and are loosely based on James and Jessie from Pokémon. Yui is also my own creation. Spanner is still mine, and is still me. All Bishomon mentioned are the property of their respective copyright owners. The idea of Pocket Bishoujo belongs to Lady Silver Senshi who maintains the Pocket Bishoujo Website at The idea of Pocket Bishonen comes from Tokio, who maintains the Pocket Bishonen Website at

Now, allow me to present the next chapter of my story, in which Spanner begins his adventure in earnest, and realizes that he still has a lot to learn about catching Bishomon...

Chapter 2: Rough Sailing

"WAAAAAH!" Mihoshi sobbed, as she and her new trainer ran as fast as they were able. Every now and then, a gout of fire would whoosh past, barely missing them, or a ball of lightning would gouge a hole in the dirt where they had been only moments before. Things had seemed to be going so well, too. Spanner and Mihoshi had caught sight of a Bishoujo in the wilds just outside of Hue Town. The Bishodex had announced that it was a Sailor Mini Moon / Chibi Usa / Reeni, and explained that it was, at most times, a fairly weak Bishomon, and easy to catch. Spanner had decided that she would make a good start to his collection, and immediately ordered Mihoshi to stun her with her Galaxy Police blaster. It wasn't until after the Chibi Usa had collapsed unconscious that the Bishodex had finished its entry: "Note, that Sailor Bishoujo almost always travel in groups, and are fiercely protective of their fellow members." It was then, that Spanner had noticed the nine much larger and tougher-looking Bishoujo that had arrived on the scene and were glaring at him angrily. Now, the two of them were running from the swarm of furious Bishoujo, who were tossing lightning, ice, chains of hearts, and other attacks at them with abandon. At least, they were running until Spanner tripped over a tree root and fell smack on his face. "Ooof!" When Spanner managed to regain his breath and sit up, he found himself surrounded by five of the Sailors. In spite of the fact that they were only two feet tall, they seemed awfully big at that moment. "Aheh," he sweated. One of them, with long, blonde pigtails stepped forward, looking outraged. "How dare you try to prey upon the weak and innocent!" she shouted, making dramatic gestures with her arms. "Sailor Mini Moon may be a pest sometimes, but she has a good heart. You have no right to try to take her from us! We are the beautiful Sailor Soldiers, and in the name of the Moon, We Will Punish You!" The other sailors grimly nodded, and raised their arms to attack. "No! Leave him alone!" Mihoshi cried, leaping in between Spanner and the attackers. "Get out of the way!" a black-haired girl with a red costume shouted. "This is between us, and your trainer."

"I can't let you!" Mihoshi produced a strange pink cube, and began to fiddle with it madly. As she did so, small holes opened up in the air around her, and deposited piles of comic books, cups of coffee, small pieces of furniture, and a number of other objects on the ground.

"If that's the way you want it, then that's just fine with me!" a brunette with a green and pink costume snarled. "I haven't forgotten that you're the one who pulled the trigger! This is for Reeni!" She dashed forward, lifting an arm to get ready to punch Mihoshi's lights out.

As she did so, Mihoshi's mad twisting of the cube finally produced the results she apparently wanted, and her casual clothes were replaced by a form-fitting, black and orange, Galaxy Police combat outfit. "I did it!" she shouted - and then noticed the brown-haired Sailor about to strike her. "Aaah! Don't hurt me!" she shouted, lifting her arms in a panic.

The moment she did so, dozens of bright disks flew out from slots on the backs of her uniform's gloves. It was only for a half a second, but when the smoke cleared, the Sailor was frozen in a large chunk of ice, an extremely surprised expression on her face. "Oops," Mihoshi said. The chunk of ice toppled over onto its side.

"Sailor Jupiter!" the other four said in unison. They glared at Spanner and Mihoshi. "I just made things worse, didn't I?" Mihoshi whimpered.

"It's all right," Spanner said. "I don't think there was a good way out of this. I think this'll hurt a bit..." He closed his eyes, and waited for the hurting to commence. "Rekka SHIEN!!!"

With a 'WHOOSH', Spanner felt a blast of heat rush past him, followed by a number of high-pitched screams. "Huh?" he said, opening his eyes. The Sailors were sprawled on the ground, some of them trying to put out small fires on their uniforms. All around them, the ground was charred. A new Bishomon had appeared, a Bishonen, this time. He was carrying a metal fan, and had a shock of flame-red hair. "Tasuki! Return!" a female voice shouted. The Bishonen disappeared in a flash of red light. "Amiboshi! Go! Drive them away!" A new Bishonen appeared, this one with short, dark blonde hair. He was dressed in blue, and wore a blue headband on his brow. As soon as he had materialized, he lifted a flute to his lips, and began to play. To Spanner's ears, the tune was beautiful - but it evidently had a completely different effect on the Sailors. "That music!" one with short blue hair shouted painfully, as she clasped her hands over her ears. "It's attacking us mentally! We need to get away from it!" "Right!" agreed the blonde with pigtails. "Venus, Mars, get Jupiter, and let's get out of here!" The sailors in orange and red leapt at their frozen comrade - only to see her disappear, ice and all, into a red and white Bishoball. "Caught her!" cried Spanner, lifting the ball into the air.

"Why you-" the one in orange snarled, only to be caught by her partner.

"We'll come back for her, Venus!" she said. "We have to get out of here!" Reluctantly, the blonde in orange followed her as they made their escape.

Once they had left, Amiboshi ceased playing and lowered his instrument. "Good work, Amiboshi!" the voice from before said. "You can return, now." Amiboshi bowed with a smile as the red light enveloped him. Spanner stood up and turned to greet his benefactor. "Thanks a lot for your help! I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up." "Taken a pounding, most likely," she said with a grin. She was a tall girl, and looked to be about a year or two younger than Spanner himself was. She was dressed in slacks and a sweater, despite the warm weather, and had a head of short, blonde hair. "Hi, my name's Julie, but everyone calls me Yui, 'cause I'm so obsessed with Fushigi Yuugi."

A bit amused by Yui's outward friendliness, Spanner replied, "Uh, okay. You can call me Spanner." After a moment, he added, "Yui? I don't think I've heard that name before..."

The girl lifted her eyebrows in mock outrage. "Why, she's a Fushigi Yuugi type Bishoujo, of course. Go, Yui!" A flash of red light later, and a Bishoujo appeared. She was dressed in a brown school uniform, and did in fact very much resemble her trainer. "I just love Fushigi Yuugi type Bishomon! I hope to be the first to collect them all, and become a true Fushigi Yuugi master!" The trainer grabbed her Yui and hugged her, which Yui accepted with a smile.

"That's cool," Spanner said. "I haven't heard of Fushigi Yuugi, though."

"Well, they're mostly found farther north of here," Yui admitted, returning her Yui to her ball. "And anyway, you look to be a pretty new trainer, so you might not have heard of a lot of the Bishomon that are out there."

"Yeah, I just started out."

"I could tell - otherwise, you would have known better than to take on a Sailor Scout without a pretty highly trained Bishomon on your side!"

"No need to rub it in," Spanner grumbled, scratching the back of his head self-consciously.

"So, this is your starting Bishomon?" Yui continued blithely on, apparently unaware that she had been rubbing salt in Spanner's pride. She was observing Mihoshi from all angles. Mihoshi, for her part was standing stock still, looking a bit nervous at the attention. "Why, this is a Mihoshi, isn't it?"

"Um, hi," Mihoshi waved.

"Yes, she is," Spanner said.

"That's AWESOME!" Yui cried. "I don't think I've ever seen one that wasn't wild! And I've heard that they're really tough to train. You're a brave man!"

"Er, thanks," Spanner replied a little sheepishly. "I'm really glad to have her, even if she is quite a handful."

"Well, we'd better get out of here," Yui said, suddenly looking very serious. "Those Bishoujo I drove off will be back soon-"

"Too late, you scumbags!" a now-familiar voice cried. It was the red Sailor, and her friends were with her. "In the name of Mars, I promise you, we will take back our friend!"

"Oh, boy," Yui said, a bit nervously. "I didn't expect them to recover so quickly. Amiboshi! Go!"

Once again, the blonde Fushigi Yuugi type Bishonen appeared and began to play his musical attack. "That trick won't work on us twice!" the blue-haired Sailor said, lifting up a tiny blue notebook computer. She pressed a button on it, and instantly Amiboshi's music ceased. "My Mercury Computer can generate antisound to protect us from your evil music!"

"Give Jupiter back, you creep!" Sailor Venus yelled. "Venus Love Chain Encircle!!!" Spanner dove out of the way, as the string of glowing hearts cut through the air where he had been standing. "Mihoshi! Blast her!"

"Uh, right!" she cried, withdrawing her sidearm. "Take this! And this! And this!" She began firing wildly, shots careening in all directions.

"Aah! Watch it!" Yui yelped as she hit the deck to avoid Mihoshi's haphazard attack. "Oops! I'm sorry," Mihoshi apologized, turning to face her. As she did so, one of her stray shots struck a rock, ricocheting off of it and up into the branches of a tree. A fairly heavy limb, cut free by the shot, fell onto Mihoshi's head, knocking her senseless.

"Mihoshi!" Spanner yelled, dashing forward to scoop up the downed Bishomon.

"Hmph. I guess it's up to me," Yui said. "Nuriko, go!" A very feminine Bishomon with long, purple hair tied into a braid popped into existence.

"What kind of Bishoujo is that?" Spanner asked.

"He's a Bishonen, not a Bishoujo!" Yui snapped. "Nuriko, use your Strength!"

"You got it!" Nuriko smirked. Glancing around, he quickly located and hefted a rock that looked to be around three or four times his mass. "Take this, you underdressed bimbos! Hiyah!" Nuriko chucked the rock at the four Sailors, who were conveniently standing in a group. They yelped and scattered, just barely missing being crushed.

"Moon Tiara Magic!" the pigtailed blonde flung her glowing tiara at Nuriko, who barely had time to lift a rock to block it with. It wasn't enough, though, and the rock shattered, flinging Nuriko to the ground, unconscious. Yui absorbed him back into his Bishoball.

Spanner and Yui backed away together, as the Sailors stalked grimly toward them. "This isn't good," Yui murmurred.. "Tasuki was in rough shape before we started, and he hasn't got enough health to fight a long battle. Nuriko's down, Amiboshi's attacks are useless, and Yui isn't a fighter. I've still got a Tamahome and a Miaka, but I'd prefer to save Tamahome, and Miaka's no more a fighter than Yui is."

"I think you might want to reconsider saving Tamahome,"

Spanner sweated as Sailor Mars began to gather fire into her hands for an attack.

Before Yui had a chance to answer, there was a flash of red. A rose embedded itself in the ground between the Sailors and their enemies. A voice called out, "Sailor Soldiers! This has to wait! Sailor Mini Moon and the Outer Sailors are in trouble!" Everyone looked up to see a handsome masked Bishonen wearing a tuxedo and cape standing in a nearby tree.

"Tuxedo Mask!" the Sailors shouted in unison, as the Bishonen leapt gracefully to the ground. "But we can't just leave Jupiter!" the pigtailed blonde protested.

Tuxedo Mask fixed Spanner with an intense stare. "If you have any shred of decency in you, you'll aid us. It is your fault the Outers are handicapped with protecting Mini Moon. We can settle this dispute later."

"Er..." Spanner said.

"I think we'd better go with them," Yui suggested. "I don't think it'd be too hard for them to defeat us right now, even if I did use Tamahome."

"Okay." Spanner and Yui followed the Sailors, who, in turn, kept a distrustful eye on them.

* * * * * *

When they all arrived at the clearing where Spanner had tried to catch Reeni, it was a war zone. Two of the Sailors, a black- haired one with a nasty-looking glaive, and another with blue- green hair, were lying on the ground, unconscious. The remaining two, one blonde with short hair and the other dark-green-haired and wielding an ornate staff were desperately fending off a barrage of attacks.

"Sailor Moon, I'm glad you're here!" the dark-green-haired one cried. "They attacked completely without warning, and disabled Saturn before we even knew what hit us! I'm certain she's the one they're after - aaah!" Pluto was knocked backwards by a blast of white light originating from a purple-haired Bishonen with rocky blue skin. Her body collided with a tree, and she slumped to the ground, clearly out of the fight.

"Sailor Pluto!" Sailor Moon shouted. "Who has done this?"

From the trees surrounding the clearing, a nasal, female voice eagerly said, "I'd say we're past due introducing ourselves, don't you agree?"

"Oh, most definitely," a weedy male voice responded.

"See how much better this works when you attack BEFORE reciting your motto?" a third voice asked drily. She apparently went unheard, as neither of the first two voices responded. Instead, they began to recite:
"Prepare for our arival!" the female shouted "And don't expect survival..." the male added. "To plunder the world of every treasure,"
"To engage in every sordid pleasure,"
"To protect the world from style and taste,"
"To prevent Bishomon from going to waste!"
"Jenny!" the female dropped into view.
"Eugene!" the male followed suit.
"Team Hentai, fulfilling every wicked dream!"
"Get ready to give in, or get ready to scream!"
"You know what we mean?" That last was added by a teal-haired Bishoujo that dropped to land between the two others after they had finished speaking.

"Team Hentai!" Spanner gasped. "It's those criminals that force Bishomon to do their dirty work. Not to mention other things..." Jenny and Eugene were... disturbing in appearance. Jenny was wearing a playboy bunny outfit, complete with bunny ears, while Eugene was clad in the bikini briefs and white collar of a Chippendale dancer. It might have appeared sexy, had either of the two been particularly attractive. However, Eugene was a geeky, pasty-skinned, twiggy-limbed fellow in his late teens, while Jenny (apparently the same age) was slightly overweight and overrun with acne. The Team Hentai symbol, a red letter 'H' decorated Jessie's leotard and Eugene's briefs.

"What do you mean, 'other things'?" Sailor Venus demanded.

Spanner turned red. "Er, you know... Things..."

Venus stared blankly for a moment, and then colored as well. "THOSE things? Those perverts!"

Eugene laughed an annoying laugh. "Of course! Why else would we call ourselves Team Hentai? We're the only ones with the guts to use Bishomon the way they were meant to be used! I just can't wait to get my hands on that Hotaru..." He leered suggestively, a bit of drool seeping from the corner of his mouth. "Not a chance!" Sailor Moon proclaimed. "In the Name of the Moon, we'll put an end to your filthy, disgusting ways!"

"Wait a minute, guys," the green-haired Bishoujo on Team Hentai's side shouted. "Look at what that guy's carrying!" Spanner was startled to see that their attention was now on him. "It's a Mihoshi!" Jenny cried. "That must be the guy we're after! Zelgadis! Use your Elmekia Lance attack!" Spanner yelped and dove to the ground as the attack blasted apart a tree behind him.

"You nitwit!" the green-haired Bishoujo snapped. "We could have tried negotiating, first!" Eugene smiled. "Don't be so hard on her, Kiyone. After all, if we can get Mihoshi this way, just think how much easier this'll be on the Boss's pocketbooks."

"Mars Celestial Fire SURROUND!" a number of blazing rings of fire twisted through the air towards Jenny's Zelgadis. The stony-skinned chimera simply smirked. "Valus Wall." A bubble-shaped shield popped up around him, deflecting the rings in all directions. "Blam Blazer!" Zelgadis fired another blast of energy. This one hit Mars squarely in the chest, and carried her backwards into Venus. Both struck a tree, and fell to the ground, out of the fight.

'CHIK!' Zelgadis looked at his shoulder in annoyance, where it was now sprouting a single, red rose. He growled, and ripped it free, crushing it in his hand. "That hurt, you know." Moving with monstrous speed, Zelgadis leapt into the tree, ran along a branch, and hurled himself at the startled, tuxedo-clad super- hero standing on it. The stone-skinned man slammed into him, sending him flying off of the tree and into the ground. Tuxedo Mask dug a sizable trench with his face before coming to a halt. "Hmph," Zelgadis said, dropping to the ground and dusting off his hands. "This is hardly a challenge."

"Tuxedo Mask!" Sailor Moon cried, horrified.

Spanner poked his head up from where he'd been hiding, and noticed that Yui was whispering something into Sailor Moon's ear. As he watched, the Bishoujo nodded. "Mercury!" she called out. "I need you to distract him!"

"Right!" the blue-haired Sailor answered. "Mercury Bubbles Blast!" The entire area was enveloped in a thick, chilly haze. "You are sadly mistaken if you think THAT will stop me," Zelgadis growled menacingly. "As soon as I find you, you're toast! Oof!"

Zelgadis's protest was cut abruptly short with the dull thud of flesh impacting stone. A second later, there was the distinct crunch of splintering wood. Then, silence. "What happened? I can't see anything!" whined Jenny. Her answer came as the mist finally cleared. A dark-blue-haired Bishonen stood tall, rubbing his fist painfully. The symbol of the Oni burned bright red on his forehead. As for Zelgadis... Well, he was stuck head-first through a tree.

"Good work, Tamahome!" Yui cried.

"Not bad," Eugene said approvingly, as Jenny ran over to her downed Bishonen. "Not many can stand against a well-trained Zelgadis." His eyes flashed evilly. On Eugene, though, the expression just looked silly. "But I have news for you - that Bishonen took down just about everything you had before you managed to defeat him - and MY Bishomon is twice as tough as Zelgadis!"
"Is not!" Jenny snapped, as she gathered Zelgadis into her Bishoball.
"She is, too," Eugene replied, clearly irritated at the way Jenny interrupted his fiendish monologue.
"Is not!" Jenny yelled in his face.
"Is too!" Eugene yelled back.
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"

"Moon Spiral Heart Attack!"

"Aaah!" Eugene and Jenny shrieked in unison, diving to either side as the enormous heart-shaped blast tore between them. "I'll PROVE she's tougher!" Eugene barked. "Ranma-chan, GO!" With a flash of light, a short, shapely, red-headed Bishoujo emerged from Eugene's Bishoball. "Ranma-chan, DESTROY him!" Eugene bellowed, pointing at Tamahome.

"Don't call me that!" Ranma-chan snapped. Then she looked at her opponent. "Hmph. He don't look so tough to me."

"You don't honestly expect me to fight a cute little girl like that, do you?" Tamahome asked Eugene.

A spark of fire lit in Ranma-chan's eye. "Don't call me a GIRL!" she snarled, lunging for the Bishonen. Tamahome barely had time to bring up his defenses, before Ranma-chan brought a blistering barrage of attacks down upon him. "Hey, I'm sorry!" protested Tamahome, somewhat confused, as he desperately blocked Ranma-chan's assault.

Ranma-chan continued to punch and kick relentlessly, slowly pushing her opponent back. "Ya know," Ranma-chan said with amused contempt. "If ya don't start fightin' back, I'm gonna cream ya. And then, I'm gonna cream yer master, and all yer little friends."

That, apparently, was the button to push. "I'll never let that happen!" Tamahome yelled, the Oni symbol flashing once again. He began to attack, fists and feet lashing out with blinding speed and power. This time, it was Ranma-chan on the defensive. Unfortunately for Tamahome, Ranma-chan's expression was nothing short of confident. "That's more like it!" she crowed.

"You CAN fight." Her eyes hardened. "But not good enough. I fight a guy all the time who's faster'n you, stronger'n you, and BETTER'n you - and I wipe the floor with him every time. You lose, homeboy! KACHU TENSHIN AMAGURI-KEN!" Tamahome tried to block the rain of blows, but it was simply too much. The Bishonen was knocked cold.

"No!" cried Sailor Moon, horrified. Then, she froze, as she heard the click of a gun pressed to her back. "You know," Kiyone said conversationally. "It was really pretty stupid to be paying so much attention to that battle while there were enemies still around. Good night!" Kiyone pulled the trigger, and Sailor Moon's body jerked as the stun blast rendered her unconscious. "Sailor Moon!" Sailor Mercury called. She was the only Sailor left standing.

"I'll keep an eye on this one," Kiyone said. "You guys take care of the rest."

"Sounds good," Ranma-chan chuckled. He fixed a gaze onto Spanner. "Okay, now, we can do this the easy way," she paused and cracked her knuckles, "or we can do this the FUN way. What's it gonna be?"

Spanner was nervous. Ranma-chan was an extremely dangerous Bishomon. Still, there was no way he was going to let Team Hentai take Mihoshi away. "I still have a Bishomon left!" he said, reaching toward his only other Bishoball. "Uh, Spanner..." Yui said.

"Sailor Jupiter, go!" With a flash of light, Sailor Jupiter appeared... still firmly embedded in a chunk of ice. "Oh, right. I forgot."

"Real impressive," Ranma-chan said drily. "Okay, the fun way it is. Get ready for a world of hurt, man."

"Spanner, catch!" Yui chucked an object at Spanner.

Spanner caught it. It was a small, blue spray-bottle, with a picture of a snowflake engraved in the side. "Freeze cure! Great!" Spanner sprayed the contents all over the frozen form of Sailor Jupiter. The ice instantly flowed away, leaving the Bishoujo blinking in astonishment as she recovered.

"Sailor Jupiter! Use your Supreme Thunder!" Spanner called desperately, as Ranma jumped at him.

Ranma's attack never connected. This was because Spanner had just been thrown to the ground by Jupiter's lightning attack. "And there's more where that came from, you jerk!" the newly- freed Bishoujo growled.

"...ow..." Spanner coughed, smoke rising from his body.

"Hey, thanks!" Ranma called out cheerfully.

"Sailor Jupiter, no!" Sailor Mercury cried. "He's not the enemy! You have to stop them, before - aaaiiee!"

"You talk too much," Kiyone muttered, lowering her smoking gun. Mercury collapsed to the ground.

"Sailor Mercury!" Sailor Jupiter stopped and looked around the field, a very dangerous expression on her face. "That's it. Nobody moves until I figure out what's going on!"

"Sheyeah, right!" Eugene laughed. "Ranma-chan, take her down!"

"Huh?" Ranma-chan blinked. "I can't do that! She's a GIRL. And don't call me Ranma-chan!"

"But you're a girl, too," Sailor Jupiter remarked, looking a bit confused.

"Whadaya mean I'm a..." She looked down at her own chest. "Oh, yeah. I forgot..."

"An opening! Supreme Thunder!" Jupiter's attack flew and struck the distracted Ranma-chan, taking her out of the fight. "You moron!" Kiyone screamed in exasperation at the fallen Ranma-chan. "Oh, well, it doesn't matter. I can take down one measly Sailor Scout without any help. "Rekka SHIEN!!!"

Flames washed over Kiyone. When they cleared, she was looking distinctly blackened and frazzled. "On second thought," Kiyone remarked. "Let's regroup." She fell flat on her face.

"Great job, Tasuki!" Yui cried, dropping to her knees to hug the tired-looking Bishomon. "I know you're worn out, and I promise I'll get you to a Bishocenter as soon as possible."

"Don't you dare think this is over!" Eugene suddenly shouted.

"We may not be able to take Mihoshi, but none of you can stop me from taking Sailor Saturn!" He started to drool. "She's so cute and so POWERFUL... She WILL be mine! Bishoball, go!"

"No!" shouted Jupiter desperately. It was too late, though. No one was close enough to stop it...

...except for one. "I won't let you take Hotaru!" a wounded and groggy Sailor Mini Moon yelled, throwing herself into the path of the Bishoball. It struck her, rebounded, and then cracked open, swallowing the smallest Sailor Scout in a flash of red light.

"Reeni!" Sailor Jupiter called in horror.

"Blast it," Eugine shouted, as the newly occupied Bishoball slapped into his hand. "I'll try again."

"Forget it," snapped Jenny, carrying a singed and unconscious Kiyone. "We gotta get out of here. You can try again some other time."

Eugine growled, but followed, stopping only to chuck a small, round object behind him.

"Give Reeni back, you monsters!" Sailor Jupiter shouted, giving chase. She was forced to fall back, coughing, as the round object exploded into a thick smoke screen. When it cleared, Team Hentai was gone.

* * * * * *

"It's all my fault," Sailor Saturn said quietly, crying into her hands. "It's me they were after. If they'd caught me, Reeni would still be fine."

"Don't even THINK that," scolded Yui. "Those guys are rotten to the core. They're the ones to blame, not you!"

"You should talk!" Sailor Jupiter spat. "You're friends with this jerk," she jabbed a thumb over her shoulder at Spanner, "and he wanted the same thing!"

"I'm sorry," Spanner said softly. "I didn't know you were such a close-knit group. I wouldn't have tried to take Reeni if I'd known."

"Didn't stop you from taking ME," Jupiter snorted.

"I'll let you go right away," Spanner said. "I don't want to keep anyone against their will." He fished in his pocket and pulled out his Bishodex. "Wait."

Spanner and Sailor Jupiter both looked up at the speaker. Sailor Moon was staring at the ground, her fists clenched and trembling at her sides. "Sailor Jupiter, please go with him."

"WHAT? You can't be serious!" Jupiter protested.

Sailor Moon looked up. There were tears running down her face.

"Please listen to me. We have to get Reeni back. But we can't all go. The Negaverse has been very strong lately, and we can't abandon our home, even for her." She paused. "Team Hentai was after this trainer's Mihoshi. That means that they will eventually come back for her. If you're there, there's a chance that you can get Reeni back."

"Yeah, sure, and then he'll have both of us! You can't trust him, he'll-"

"I DO trust him," Sailor Moon said suddenly. "I can't say exactly why, but I believe that he's sincere. He will return both you and Reeni to us. Won't you?" That last was directed toward Spanner, who was startled.

"Sure, if you want me to. I don't know how we're going to save Reeni, though - those guys were tough!"

"Then you'll just have to get tougher," Sailor Uranus scowled, slapping a fist into her palm.

"I've heard that Bishoujo become stronger when trained by a trainer," Sailor Neptune added.

"That's right," Yui confirmed.

Sailor Jupiter seethed for a few moments in anger, and then relaxed. "All right. I'll do it." Then she shot a baleful gaze at Spanner. "But if you try anything funny, I promise I'll make you regret it!"

"You have my word, I won't try anything," Spanner replied nervously.

"Go ahead, then, suck me up into that ball thing."

"You don't have to stay in the ball if you don't want to," Spanner offered.

"Thanks, but I can't stand the company out here," Jupiter growled.

Spanner winced. "Ouch." He held up Sailor Jupiter's Bishoball, and absorbed the Bishoujo into it. Almost gingerly, he attached it to his belt.

"Well, good bye, everyone," Spanner waved weakly. None of the gazes that were directed back at him were particularly friendly. Except one. "Please, Spanner, we are counting on you," Sailor Moon called out earnestly as he and Yui walked away. "Don't worry about a thing!" Mihoshi called back from her perch on Spanner's shoulder. "Spanner's a big hero! He'll rescue your friend for sure, I just know it!" Somehow, those words made Spanner feel even lower than before.

Once out of sight of the Sailor Scouts, Yui patted Spanner comfortingly on the back. "Do you see now why it's a good idea to research your Bishoujo before you try to catch them?" Spanner could hear the grin in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "So, you're coming with me?"

"Sure," Yui shrugged. She grinned. "I think you definitely need someone to keep an eye on you." Spanner shot her a dirty look. "More than that, though, Sailor Moon was right - those Team Hentai jerks are after your Mihoshi, and you're not strong enough to stop them alone. I'm going to stay with you until you are." "Thanks," Spanner replied sincerely. "That means a lot to me. I don't want anything to happen to her." He patted Mihoshi's head, and the Bishoujo cuddled closer into his neck, sighing happily.

Author's notes:

Finally, we get to see Team Hentai in action! I spent quite a while trying to decide what sort of characters to make the villains into. I finally decided to poke a bit of fun at anime fandom, by building Team Hentai out of those elements of fandom that Bishoujo and Bishonen would probably find horrifying, if they knew about them. These elements include fangirls who pair up heterosexual guys because they think they look cute together, fanboys who pair up heterosexual girls because they look cute together, anyone who writes bizarre and kinky lemons about characters who would probably never give each other the time of day, people who abuse, mischaracterize, or bad-mouth characters they don't like (like Amelia-bashers, Mousse-bashers, and Relena-bashers), people who write lemons involving underage characters (especially Sasami), and other such things that would make your average Bishoujo or Bishonen (and often your average fan) scream. Please, no offense is intended by this. If you're offended anyway, well, I feel sorry for you. Feel free to send me a nice flame, if it'll make you feel better. ^_^

Oh, and just in case it's unclear, when Spanner mentioned that Team Hentai force their Bishomon to do... other things, he didn't mean that the Team Hentai members PERSONALLY did those things (well, maybe some of the sicker members :P ). After all, Bishomon are way too small. He meant that they force Bishomon to do... things with other Bishomon, against their wills. Which is sick enough, actually...

One last disclaimer: I make no apologies for the use of the DIC dub names for the characters and attacks in the above story. Personally, while I dislike censorship, I think that the new names and stuff are cool, and really the only good change that DIC made to the series.